March 6, 2008

7 weeks and 3 Days!!!!

I write this with a VERY cautious but excited heart. I have asked God over and over to please guard my heart (all of our hearts) in this process. We wait hopefully and patiently for the arrival of a new addition to the Hill family.

A few weeks ago, we found out that the child we hosted for Christmas, Oksana, was not available for adoption. Our hearts were devastated. We wondered why in the world God would allow a child to come to the US, melt our hearts, and then not be available. We went through many different emotions and realized that God most likely had something else much better for our lives. Our hearts broke for little Oksana but realized that she does have 5 older brothers that can take care of her once she ages out of the system. We are praying that her parents get their act together and can come get all of them from the orphanage.

Well, after our debut on the local TV station, I received a phone call from a lady in San Antonio. She and I talked for over an hour about Ukraine adoption. She and her husband are in their 40's and are beginning to think that its better just to be childless. After we talked, she apologized for taking so much of my time. I assured her that things don't happen as coincidence. A week later she called to tell me a neighbor's granddaughter was pregnant with her second child and wanted to place the baby up for adoption. She asked if I would be interested. I said of course. But, I didn't push the issue and then didn't hear from her after that day.

My friends and I traveled to Dallas in February for a mother conference and on the way home, I made the comment, "I wish a baby could just fall in my lap." Then, I got home and guess I was still on my pity party and continued to tell Craig that I was just ready for the pain to go away. He told me to be honest with myself and admit that I did desire an infant and that it was okay to desire such. I think I did cry that night and ended up crying out to God "Why can't a baby fall in my lap!"

So, the following Tuesday, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps! I talked with a friend of mine about adopting out of the foster care system and approached Craig with the idea that evening. He said, "Sure, pursue it until God shuts the door!" I was amazed! Thank you, Lord, I told myself. About an hour later, I received an email from the lady I spoke to a month prior about the neighbor's granddaughter. This young girl wanted to talk to ME! She called me an hour later and wanted to meet me the very next day. So, on February 20th, our lives changed! After looking through our adoption scrapbook of Molly, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said "Will you adopt my baby?" WOW, my heart sank. I wanted to jump up and down right there in the McDonald's dining room but I feared she might retract her question. I replied with "I'd love to adopt your baby," as I swallowed the lump in my throat. Then, she pulled out sonograms pictures and said "Here, these belong to you, this is going to be your baby!"

Well, our journey continues and its been an amazing experience. This little girl is a product of her environment. She didn't grow up with much of a family. Her parents were in and out of her life. She lives with some wonderful grandparents whom I have met and have grown to love. They care for her, her two sisters, and her brother. I have met everyone and they are so excited about the adoption plan. Her two younger sisters, age 9 and 11, are wonderful too! They are so sweet and told me that Grandpa insisted I adopt the two dogs, cat, and rabbit with the baby. When I went to their home on Sunday, they pulled out baby pictures galore! They are so proud of their children and grandchildren. Its been a great experience!

I went to the doctor with her today. The doctor explained to us that he wanted to schedule a C-section on April 28th! I almost fainted! That is only 7 weeks and 3 days away, I thought to myself!!! Storage - I've got to get to storage, I kept thinking! But, then part of me keeps saying "Guard your heart, its not over until that ink dries!" So, I am trying to be excited and cautious at the same time. I ask for your prayers for our family but mainly for this sweet girl! I have grown to love her so much. Craig and I may be the only thing close to parents that she will ever experience. She doesn't want much contact with us after the baby is born so we know we must be a good influence to her in this short time. I try to talk to her everyday and just ask her about life. She is very open and honest with me. I've assured her that even if she changes her mind, that I will not hate her. I told her that we would be heartbroken but that we would survive. She continues to tell me she is not going to change her mind but I know that once she sees that precious baby girl, she might. I am prepared for that as much as I can be at this point.

Please pray for a continued healthy pregnancy, pray for God's Will to be done in this process, pray for the birthfather as he sits in jail that God would soften his heart, pray for this girl's heart and her salvation, pray that Craig and I can be there for her as God would have us to be, and pray for our hearts to remain guarded. Sorry so long but I felt like writing tonight!