The Danger of Husband Bashing

As I sat at the funeral of my best friend's husband, I was taken back to a time when I was guilty of "husband bashing."  Let me tell you, I was good at it and could have won an Emmy on my daily rundown of all the wrong things Craig had done that day.  I had a friend at that time, that I would now consider pretty toxic and we fed off each other - A LOT.  Looking back, its almost like we tried to play the "one up" game in seeing who's husband was actually the biggest loser.  It was damaging to say the least and I lost all respect for my husband when I should have been losing respect for myself!

Fast forward a couple of years and I sat in a Women's Bible Study with a woman named Gaye.  She made it very clear to me that I was to respect my husband and his role that GOD had given him.  I think she could see through my own insecurities and knowing that Craig wasn't this total incapable man that I was making him out to be.  She steered me in the right direction and I began to really understand not just what it meant to be submissive but to really uphold and adore my husband.  I then began to surround myself with other wives that adored their husbands.  I think back to my new relationship that had formed with my friend, Page.  Here is a woman that has stood by her husband through thick and thin.  That whole thing in the vows of "richer or poorer" and "sickness and in health" - she has lived through it all.  In all the years I've known her, she has never bashed her husband.  She holds him in high regard and considers all they have been through as a blessing.

I then began to see on Facebook other friends that absolutely loved their husbands and wrote encouraging and edifying things about them for all the world to see.  It touched my heart!  I even wrote to an old friend that I really appreciate seeing her posts and how much she adored her husband - it really did make me feel good.  And, I know she wasn't writing such things for reward - she really does love her husband.

God began to put people in my life that re-iterated what Gaye taught me many years ago.  Its funny how He has a way of moving us in the right direction.

Now back to my friend's funeral.... can you imagine being married to a man for many years and then suddenly, he's gone?  You wait for him every day to walk in after work but in reality, he's not coming home.  You wait for him to be in the kitchen when you go for your first cup of coffee, but instead, you walk into an empty room.  You wait for someone to lean over at bedtime and kiss you goodnight, only to reach over and the pillow is cold and no one is there.  I'm sure my friend would give anything to have her husband here.  A wise friend once told a group of us in bible study, "Please, don't complain to me about your mom, I wish I still had mine here on earth."  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  And, I'm sure the same goes for women who have lost husbands.

I continue to pray for my old friend that I spent countless hours with "husband-bashing."  The last time we saw one another, it was quite uncomfortable because she was actually saying things in front of him.  Can you imagine what that does to a man's soul!?!?!?  I got in the car that night and confessed to Craig all the times I sat around and drug his name in the mud.  I felt like a complete moron but he was so gracious and said "I probably deserved it."  No, he didn't deserve it!  I was given my husband by God!  To talk ugly about him, to complain about him is complete disrespect to my Heavenly Father.  And, not to mention - who do I think I am??!?!?!?  PERFECT!?!?!?!  Not even close!

I started trying to think of where I came up with this practice of men bashing.  It wasn't my mother.  Though my parents divorced when I was 6, she never spoke ill of my father.  She never did any type of male bashing so I was clueless....until, I started noticing it on TV.  Its all by the grace of God that I began to see it.  The craziest place I saw it was on Kid's Shows!!!  I quickly became appalled at the shows that make the "Dad" or "Husband" seem stupid and inadequate.  I've since cut those shows from my kids' viewing.  But, this isn't a post about TV and its negative affects on my kiddos.

How do you combat male/husband bashing?  First, go to God's word!

Ephesians 4:29

²⁹ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 7

Judging Others

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ³ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

⁶ “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Proverbs 31
  
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
 ²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:


Second - GET NEW FRIENDS!  This was done for me but looking back, I am thankful.  God knew that I needed out of that relationship.  Not because this friend was doing anything worse than me - I was probably the most toxic of the friendship.  But, we fed off each other and it wasn't good.  I pray for her and for me, that we will adore our husbands and love them like we are called to love them!


Third - PRAY FOR HIM!

Praying for your husband really does work!  We did a bible study one time called "The Power of a Praying Wife" and let me tell you - its hard to be angry at someone that you are praying for every day!  That's the best tool I have for my husband - prayer!  I can't change him but God can and I need to trust that God is working in his life and in  mine too!

Start today and think of ways you can show adoration to your husband.  He is still going to leave his dirty socks on the floor, forget to put the cap on the toothpaste, forget to put the garbage out and forget your birthday.  But, be reminded that God gave him as a blessing, a protector, a provider and a lover.  If anything, thank God for him each and every day.  And think about the widow that longs to have her husband in her arms.  Surround yourself with godly women who speak words of edification, adoration and love of their husbands.  And remember, your children are watching you and how you treat their Daddy!

Blessings,
Becca

Time4Learning

I have written many times on different social media sites as to why we homeschool.  There are numerous reasons and I can certainly address those in a later post.  We love homeschool - that's sums it up in three words!

When we started our journey 4 years ago, I opted to purchase a very large curriculum for A LOT of money.  I was overwhelmed and at times threatened to put Molly on the next yellow school bus that drove by the house!  After her Auditory Processing Disorder diagnosis, we were told about a wonderful online curriculum - TIME4LEARNING!  The minute we signed up, Molly fell in love!  She loves the idea of working and doing school online - it makes her seem pretty big!  We used it for over a year and then took a break from it and went with another curriculum based on our growing family dynamic.  When we adopted two older kids, we chose to use a workbook/history based curriculum so that the three of them could learn together.  Molly really missed Time4Learning and asked all the time "When can I go back to my online school?"  After changes (once again) in our family earlier this year and the stress our family was under, we chose to enroll her into T4L and she was thrilled!

Everyday and numerous times during her school day, she will come up to me excited about something she is learning online.  It has really encouraged her to research further and to map out what she is learning in her notebook.  She is joyful and eager to get online each day to see what she will be learning!  This excites me to say the least and I credit T4L for helping to create that passion in her.

I highly recommend Time4Learning to be used as a homeschool curriculum.  Its easy to use, very user friendly, good curriculum and the best for our family.  There is no need to supplement and they provide spelling words and recommended reading list - perfect!

So, there ya go - that's what we do :)  I'm excited about Madeline signing up for Time4Learning next year!

Blessings,
Becca

As a member of Time4Learning, I have been asked to review their online education program and share my experiences. While I was compensated, this review was not written or edited by Time4Learning and my opinion is entirely my own. Write your own curriculum review or learn how to use their curriculum for homeschool, after school study or summer learning.

Lies Young Women Believe | Win Free Tickets To See Dannah And Erin At Pure Freedom

Lies Young Women Believe | Win Free Tickets To See Dannah And Erin At Pure Freedom

Adoptive Moms Can Be the Worse Critics!

You know, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I try to look for the good in people and I learned that from my precious grandmother, Gammy.  She was always kind in the middle of adversity and she told me to always smile and be kind.  I learned a lot more from that wise woman but I am really having to put that first advice into practice.

I have heard for years that adoption equals spiritual warfare and trust me, we've walked it, so I totally agree! Most of the opposition and judgment comes from those that have never traveled down the road of adoption and its hard to hold anyone accountable that has no idea what a rollercoaster ride it can be.  Someone wise once told me to lower my expectations of people, especially those that have never dealt with infertility or had to choose adoption to become a parent.  I learned that a long time ago and so, when I get silly comments like "Adopt and you'll get pregnant" or "How can you love a child that's not your own" or a number of other things, I let them roll off my back.  I've let those that have never experienced adoption off the hook from those ridiculous comments. 

That leads me to the other people out there - the ones that have been touched by adoption in one way or another.  Maybe you are a birth mom that made a loving choice to place your child into the empty arms of a mom longing for a child.  Maybe you have been the one adopted and know the joy of finding your forever home and the appreciation that someone would choose you to be theirs for always.  Or, maybe you are the adoptive parent that has dealt with an empty womb for years and many nights of crying yourself to sleep. Or maybe you have the calling to bring orphans into your already established biological home and don't see color or race, but just a child needing a mommy and daddy. 

If you are an adoptive mom, this is for you.  I have come in contact with MANY families in my years as an orphan advocate.  I have been blessed to be a part of many adoptions and homecomings and it always brings me so much joy when someone answers the call to care for the fatherless.  Most anyone can deliver a baby but there is just something special about adoption.  Its nothing that we do, its Christ in us.  Its because of His great love for us and that fact that He adopted us, that most of us adopt.  He deserves all the glory.  Many have a slight addiction to adoption and unfortunately, many of you get slammed for bringing "just one more" into your already chaotic home.  Trust me, I only had two when we were adopting this last time and the negative comments were overwhelming.  So, I know what its like to be asked if I'm "addicted to adoption."  Everyone adopts for different reasons and different callings and all adoption stories are different.  And, some end differently than others and some don't start at all.  But, one thing is for sure - ADOPTIVE MOMS AND DADS SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER JUDGE ANOTHER ADOPTIVE PARENT!  I don't know if I made myself clear in that last sentence so let me say this again... DO NOT JUDGE!  I mean, we are called not to judge anyway but especially when it comes to someone that has walked the same road.

I was amazed at the judgment and condemnation that I received from people when we chose to disrupt our adoption.  But, like I said earlier, I can't possibly hold those responsible that have never walked my walk to understand my road.  But, if you have lived through an adoption, you know what its like to walk that road and you know the bumps and huge pot holes along the way. You know that its far from easy and with it comes overwhelming pains - much stronger than any labor pain out there.  You know you will hit roadblocks and sometimes you hit a flat out brick wall.  You pick yourself up, gain strength from the One who has called you to this and you move on.  But, like I said earlier, some stories never begin and some stories end in complete devastation and heartache.  That's my story.

But, if you have never walked in the shoes of someone that has had a child with severe Reactive Attachment Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, you simply don't understand.  But, if you have adopted and you've seen children in the many orphanage hallways and/or groupas, you know that the diagnosis is real.  If you have been around adoption, you know that this is a real life nightmare that so many parents and children face on a daily basis.  To pass judgment on those that are walking this road and to cast stones at the parents that fight a minute-by-minute battle with a child that has no ability to love and to bond is just plain cruel.  Who are you to judge?  What exactly would you do? Do you not know the measures parents go through to make things work?  Do you not know the embarrassment and the ridicule parents of RAD  and ODD go through daily?  Its exhausting.  Its overwhelming.  And there are days when you don't want to go on living.  Sure, there are adoptive parents out there that this is their life and they have chosen to stay right where God has them.  But, then there are adoptive parents out there that have been called by God to choose a different path for their child.  Again, who are you to judge when God calls parents to do something different than what you think they should have done?

Since we have come out with our disruption story, I have been able to help several families with the same situation.  I have been able to use the story that God has given us and be a support for those moms and dads that are at the end of their rope. It isn't a road I thought I would ever go down and I appreciate the support of my sweet friends, Shelly, Camille, Robin, Sharon, Susan and the many prayers of family and friends (too many to name).  I could never have gone through the door of disruption without them.  And, now God is turning what was evil into good and for His glory.  I am now able to help others that are desperate and to offer a glimpse of hope into a messy and ugly situation. I pray that God would use me any way HE chooses to help these families and ultimately these children.

So, this gets me back to the gist of my post.  I hope that we can all learn from this that its so important what Jesus said in Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye when there is a plank in your own?"  May we live that way in all walks of life.  May I learn from the persecution, condemnation and the gossip that is going on behind my back about my story.  May I offer support, prayers and love to those in hurting situations rather than judgment.  May I offer a shoulder to cry on or be a sounding board for that mother of the RAD child rather than telling others "what I would do." May I pray for the mom over the phone that has chosen to do something different rather than telling that mom "what she should do for that child." 

AND TO THE ADOPTIVE FAMILIES FACING JUDGMENT AND CONDEMNATION - Remember the promise in Romans 8:1:

"THEREFORE, THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO 

ARE IN CHRIST JESUS!"

Be Blessed,

Becca

Ms Mary

Mary and Madeline Rolling Silverware

There are people that come into your life and for whatever reason, make a lasting impression.  In the summer of 2009, we moved to Key Largo for just a short time.  During that time, we became very familiar with Doc's Diner and their wonderful staff.  It would be "Doc" that would eventually help us to return to the Keys in 2011.  In January 2011, we made the long move to Florida and we began a family tradition.  We would wake up on Saturday mornings and go eat our breakfast at Doc's.  It was just something we did as a family and we enjoyed the food, the atmosphere but most importantly - the people.  Gina is Doc's daughter and manages the restaurant. She has since become a dear friend to us.  Patty became our favorite waitress ever and one we looked forward to seeing every week.  She knew what we wanted to drink before we walked into the door.  She was always witty and was quick to come back with a sarcastic but funny comment.  We also fell in love with Vicky, Anna and Joel too!  But, then there was Mary!  She was the first person that greeted us when we walked in the place.  She was usually behind the register and making sure things ran smoothly.  She always made sure the waitresses were being taken care of but it was her goal to make sure the customers were served and enjoyed their experience. 

Doc's Diner has these fabulous bar stools that spin and it was like a ride at Disney World for my girls.  When Mary was not behind the register, she could be found on the left side of the diner, on one of those cool stools, rolling silverware.  For whatever reason, my girls was so interested in what Mary was doing and wanted to learn the trade.  Mary was so patient with them and taught them carefully how to make the perfect silverware roll.  She would also let them spin on the stools until they got dizzy while Mom was trying to make them stop.  She was such a fun person and gave the best hugs and kisses and always seem to have a special treat for them.  My girls absolutely LOVE Mary and miss her terribly.  The staff at Doc's became like family to us and we would hang out there not just on Saturdays but would find ourselves going in during the week just to see our friends. 

 On Tuesday afternoon, Mary collapsed at home.  No one could figure out what had happened but she was rushed to a nearby hospital.  Her daughter, Patty and I were in contact via text and they were running tests.  She was still unconscious and on a breathing machine so it was hard to determine right away the cause of the collapse.  Through a variety of tests, it was determined that Mary had suffered a heart attack and was without oxygen for 30 minutes.  The family was told it would take a miracle for her to live.  My girls and I immediately started praying and even Madeline said "Mom, don't cry, maybe Ms. Mary is just resting."  Molly was certain that God would perform a miracle and prayed accordingly.  Patty and I continued to communicate and I, too, was praying for a miracle.  I know that God can turn things around in an instant and I was begging Him to do so. 

But, late last night, Mary took her last breath.  She is no longer attached to tubes and breathing with the help of a machine.  She is gone.  The sting of pain is there in our home as we mourn this precious grandmother-like figure in our lives.  My girls are sad knowing that when we visit the Keys and Doc's Diner, we won't be seeing Ms Mary.  But, its been a great teachable  moment about death and why God chooses to take those away from us.  God is Sovereign and He chooses the breaths of His people.  We can not add or take away any days of our life.  He will take us home when He sees fit.  So, what it has done is make us re-evaluate our lives and how we choose to live the breaths that He has given us.  May this be a moment where my girls and myself will reflect on what we do with the time we are given and how we are glorifying God.  I pray that my girls will remember Ms Mary through their pain but only remember those Saturdays sitting next to her and rolling silverware.  I pray that they will remember her precious smile and sweet disposition and how much she loved them. 

Join me in praying for Mary's family and especially our sweet, favorite waitress, Patty.  I can't imagine losing my mom and I've don't even want to think about it!  But, it has made me evaluate my life and how I treat and honor my mother.  I pray and ask for the strength to be the daughter God has created me to be and also to be the Mom to my girls that Mary was to her children!

We love and miss you, Ms Mary!  You were a ray of sunshine to our family and you will be missed greatly!  Doc's will never be the same without you! 

Becca

New Beginnings

Our life has been quite eventful in 2012 and there are times when I wonder if life will ever slow down.  But, if you know me, you know that I actually like change.  Most people I know are not fans of change but that's just not the case with me, it must be the gypsy in me (thanks, Mom).  We always seem to be changing.  Some of those changes this year have been coupled with excruciating pain, some with jaw-dropping awe, and some with unspeakable joy.  But, in all these changes, we have grown as individuals and as a family.

As most of you know, 2012 didn't start with such a great beginning.  Our 12 year old adopted daughter went to respite care and eventually placed with a wonderful family in another state.  She is doing good and our family is thriving as well.  We have received quite a bit of opposition from family and friends but in the end, we are here to please only one person and that's our Heavenly Father.  Some felt as though we were not doing the "godly" thing by placing her with another family but in the end, it was God who led us to them and God who had it planned from the beginning of time.  Not very many people know the pain of a disruption and I would not wish that on anyone, so I can't expect people to understand our situation that have never walked in our shoes.  I have let go of that chapter in my life and can't worry about what people think or how they feel about us and the decisions we have made in our life and our family.  I trust that God will and I've seen glimpses that He already has turned something evil into good.  For, He is ALWAYS faithful!

In May of this year, Craig lost his job with the bank.  The bank was struggling and sold the investment division of its operation.  This left Craig jobless and with an internal struggle of whether or not to walk away from financial planning.  He even got his US Coast Guard Captain's License and started to pursue life on the water - full time.  When things weren't happening and he needed to provide for our family, he chose to pursue what he knows best and took a job with Charles Schwab.  However, that job would not be in our beloved Florida Keys but on the West Coast of Florida.  Once again, we would pick up and move.  This was much harder on the adults in the family than our precious kids.  They were so excited to be going to a "big city" with lots of things to do, homeschooling adventures, museums, art, horseback riding, gymnastics and much more.  I don't think any of them shed tears but believe me, I cried enough for my entire family x 100.  Leaving the Keys was extremely hard for me and there are days when I wish I were back on my island. 

But, that brings me to the good news of this post!  I am blessed beyond I can even imagine.  I quickly have connected with some wonderful homeschool moms!  I am overwhelmed at the like mindedness of many other homeschool families and I am learning so much about myself, my children, their learning styles, my teaching style and so on.  There is so much to do and so many resources up here that there's not possibly enough time in the day to do all of it.  The girls have met some incredible friends and things are going a lot better than I would have ever anticipated.  I wake up some mornings and want to pinch myself.  God has blessed us more than we deserve and it amazes me that the blessings are new every day! 

I am amazed at the tapestry that God continues to weave in my family and in my own personal life.  I don't know why I find myself amazed because after all, we are talking about the Creator of the Universe.  He is so Creative and His ways are perfect.  I am doing things I said I'd never do and I'm content!  I'm finally at a place in my life (and its been a painful process) where I can honestly be thankful in the good and the bad.  10 months ago my life was unraveling and I felt like I was in a downward spiral.  There was no joy, no contentment, and definitely NO thankfulness.  I was at a place where I was questioning God and was so angry at Him that I couldn't see any of the good He was doing in my life.  All I could do was complain, throw my fist in the air and scream "NOT FAIR!" Little did I know that He had never stepped away from my tapestry.  He continued to weave.  He heard my cries, saw my fists, watched me stomp my feet in defiance but He never left my tapestry, He never left my side.  I'm sure He stood there saying, "Child, I will work all of this out for good.  You are mine and I've got this all in the palm of MY hand."  I am thankful for the rough year we've had because it makes this time of blessing so much sweeter.  I can't type those words without tears streaming down my face.  For now, its a time of sweetness, a time of new beginnings, almost as if Spring is just around the corner. 

I don't know what God has for us in the year to come but I do know that He holds the future just as He has held me this year.  I'm sure we will still face pain and even as I type this, I mourn the passing of a dear friend who took her last breath this evening.  There will be hardships, there will be questions, there will be tears but I will count it all as joy and be thankful for it all.  I've been reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and I am learning to be thankful in the hard as well as the easy.  And, that's impossible without the mighty work of the Holy Spirit.  My prayer is that I will wake up each morning and recognize things throughout my day that God has given that I may see a glimpse of His Glory. 

I'm thankful for each of you.  I'm not sure how many of you still read my blog.  I hope that it can offer some encouragement and hopefully some laughter!

Be blessed!

Becca

Update from Ukraine....

From Ukraine Team:

Rachel, Stephanie and I are in Kiev, Ukraine. We have been working on the details for camp. We meet the rest of the Ukrainian team tonight. We leave for the village in the morning. The day will be spent buying supplies for the 80 children and the 10 workers.

Praying God's will and timing. Excited to go to the village. We are hot. No cooling systems. The village will be... the same. We are hoping to have showers.

The funding has not come in for all the camps. Praying about what to do.

Ricky has graciously paid my way here and Rachel is planning to pay for her own ticket. We did not get enough donations for her ticket. We have 2 more children's hosting fees not paid yet. That's almost $10,000 for our family again this year. So do we cancel the last week of camp? Praying.

We have not had time to visit with friends. Hoping to visit some of the hosted children but I am not sure time will allow it.

Reading Ruth again has been an encouragement. She left her homeland and went to another land to live. She worked hard. She faced difficult times and came through them and was blessed in the end.

Romans 5:3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

Be Blessed,

Hollie Holmes
Bejoyfulinhope.org
Donations: Living Word, PO Box 1085, Pinson, AL 35126

 

Going back home...

A lot of us probably don't live where we grew up. A lot of us may be glad to be away from our hometown while others of us may long to return. I think my daughter, Stephanie, may struggle with both of those emotions.

Stephanie was born and spent the first 15 years of her life in Ukraine. At the age of 10, she was separated from the only life she had ever known. She was put in an orphanage surrounded by strangers who would later be considered like family. Though it provided a bed, clothes, education and hot meals, it was a far cry from what we would consider a family. Her roommates would become like her sisters, her caregivers like mothers. They had to fight to survive though and learn a lot on their own.

Fortunately for my Stephanie, she met a wonderful woman named Hollie in 2008. Hollie and her family helped bring her over to the US on a hosting trip. She got to see first hand what a family was supposed to look like. She learned many things but one important thing was how to be a servant of the Lord. The Holmes family is an example to many of what it means to follow Christ. They have a large beautiful family that consists mainly of adopted children. I can not even begin to tell you or explain the depth of their hearts. Stephanie learned so much from them during that summer!

Fast forward to 2010 when she was adopted into our family. Once again, she was taken from the only life she had known for the past 5 years. Those in an institution, those people within those walls were her sisters, her caregivers, her family. And the country we saw out of the tiny windows in our airplane, was the only place she had ever known. I can't imagine what she must have been feeling on that plane. Was she excited to be leaving? Scared of what was to come? Mourning the loss of leaving her friends, her family? Anxious about her life and what she would become? I'm not even going to pretend I know how she felt that November day!

Now, she is 17. Living life to the fullest on an island. She's made wonderful friends, been to church camp, met godly leaders, studied new subjects, learning to drive, worked as a nanny for many families but most importantly, she has grown in her walk with Christ.

I'm sure she still struggles with who she is in this life, where she will live, what she will do, who she will become. But for now, she's on a mission. She wants to share her story, a story of rescue and redemption. She wants to tell other orphans that there is hope, a hope that nothing on this earth can give. She wants to share Jesus with the fatherless. What better vessel than one that has been where they are? One that knows what's its like to be alone. One that knows the heartache of being torn away from your family. One that has to fight to survive.

Hollie, her host family from 2008, is still very much a part of our lives. She conducts camps in Ukraine for orphans. She asked if Stephanie would like to go and without hesitation, she said yes! With only a few days to raise money, she took a leap of faith and committed to the trip! Last Thursday, she said YES and by Saturday, she was at $1900 of her $2700 goal! If that's not a direct confirmation that God wants her to go, I don't know what is! So she will get up bright and early tomorrow morning (6:30am flight) and leave on a jet plane bound for Ukraine.

I don't know what she must be feeling. I'm sure it's quite similar to the feelings she felt looking at the country she left behind in 2010. Excitement. Anxiousness. Scared. Grief. But I do know that now she understands Who sent her to Ukraine and Who is in total control of this trip. When she returns on August 17 and she watches her homeland fade in the distance through those tiny airplane windows, she will be grateful and hopeful because she has shared her story, a story of rescue and redemption and not just physical, spiritual!

Join me in praying for Stephanie as well as Rachel and Hollie Holmes as they travel. Pray that God would prepare the hearts of those children and the caregivers. Pray for safe travels and that all would stay healthy! Pray that Stephanie's final $800 would be raised while she is gone. Pray for the Hills as we stay home and carry on our lives without our big sister! Lots of tears from the little ones as she packed her suitcase. I'm sure there will be many more early in the morning.

Blessings,
Becca

A letter from a sweet friend...

Dear Friends,

Just like Paul, who heard about the Ephesians' faith and “love for God's people everywhere,” we have heard about your adoption of orphaned children and know that you have hearts full of compassion. And we give thanks, as Paul did, for the way you have answered God's call to care for the motherless and fatherless.

As you know, there are still many children at those orphanages, including Orphanage No. 4 in Zhytomyr where Last Bell Ministries has worked for several years. These children need your help.

Even though they have not been adopted, the kids at Orphanage No. 4 and in the Zhytomyr region have a chance to be part of a family, to learn and grow, to have a good future. The staff at Last Bell invite each graduating class at No. 4 to be “sons and daughters” at either Shelter or Haven, our two family homes. We have loved and cared for over a hundred teens as they made the transition from the orphanage to independent life.

Up until now, Last Bell's kids lived at their trade school dorms while visiting Shelter or Haven during the evenings and on weekends. But this is all changing.

The Shelter home is undergoing renovation right now. This summer we plan to take guardianship of up to 15 of the 8th and 9th graders from the Orphanage No. 4, which is closing on June 1st. All of the kids will otherwise be sent to orphanages in Berdichev and Radumishl, and will eventually attend rural trade schools, with little chance of receiving higher education or learning a trade they can actually use.

But those who come under our guardianship will be able to live at the Shelter under the direct care of Last Bell houseparents. They will be able to attend a regular high school, spend their last few teen years in a loving, caring family, and hear about the love of Jesus Christ every day.

This will only happen if we can complete the renovation of the Shelter. The government officials need to see where the kids will be able to live before they grant us guardianship.

The cost of renovating the Shelter plus other preparations is $65,550. This includes the constrution of an entire third story with bedrooms and bathrooms for the girls and single housemom; boys and houseparent couple have bedrooms on the second floor. The cost also includes a new roof, a new heating system and water boiler, the addition of an entryway, and the conversion of the current entryway into a living room.

Will you partner with us in providing a home for kids from Orphanage No. 4?

Many generous friends and churches have given or pledged $30,723 toward the Shelter Renovation fund. But we still need $34,827 in order to complete the Shelter and get guardianship of kids before the end of the summer.

You can give online by going to our website, www.lastbell.org, and clicking on “Your Response.” Or you can give via post by writing a check to Last Bell Ministries and mailing it to:

Last Bell Ministries
PO Box 247
Atlanta, IN 46031-0247

Thank you in advance for your generosity, and may God bless you as you continue serving Him!

Liz Millikan, Director
Last Bell Ministries

info@lastbell.org
www.lastbell.org

Ukraine Orphan Hosting Program

I'll never forget the looks on their faces as they came down the escalator at the Austin airport.  They looked tired, scared and were bundled from head to toe in the only clothes they brought to America.

Her name was Oksana and she was coming to our house.  She had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen and she touched my heart the moment I hugged her.  Little did I know that I would be on the journey of a lifetime.  We had a heart for Ukraine after adopting our first daughter, Molly, just 3 years prior to that December night in 2007.  The next three weeks were a whirlwind!  We did all we could to advocate for these 6 little orphans and our appearance on a TV show led to the adoption of our youngest child.  Oksana and her 3 brothers would later be adopted by an Italian family!

Two years later, we hosted a sibling set of sisters and would later return 10 months later to Ukraine to adopt them.  We have seen almost 20 orphans come home to forever families after being hosted with Charis Orphan Care and Adoption Ministry.  I founded the organization shortly after our adoption in 2004 after my heart grew more and more for the orphans left behind.  I had no idea that there were over 143 million orphans worldwide at that time.  The number has increased dramatically since that day.

Charis Orphan Care and Adoption Ministry has helped bring many children over since 2007 and is continuing their efforts across the United States.  We invite you to visit our website by clicking on the link above.  Please feel free to take a glimpse at the children available to come for summer hosting.  The tentative dates are June 25-July 16.  The cost, which includes everything (visas, medical, translations, transportation to/from airport, chaperone fees, airfare, and insurance) is estimated at $2300.  We strive to only charge our cost to host as this is not a "money making" scheme.  We work with reputable facilitators and an attorney in Ukraine to provide honest services.  We look forward to our summer host trip and we are excited that 7 children, so far, are confirmed with willing families!  We have many more that are available and we are praying that families step up to the plate and bring a child into their homes for three weeks this summer!

Thanks for reading!

Be Blessed!

Becca

Experiencing God

I've had the privilege of doing the Experiencing God bible study over the last few weeks. I had no idea that God was preparing me weeks ago for what lie ahead in our lives right now. How I marvel that He brought me to this study so that I could know His is Sovereign over all and in total control!

Some great things I'm learning in this study that I want to share with you:

* when you get to a place in your life where you trust Jesus to guide you one step at a time, you experience tremendous freedom. If you don't trust Him to guide you this way, what happens if you don't know the way you should go with your life? You worry every time you make a decision.
* "It is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:13
* What is God's will for my life is NOT the right question. The proper question is...What is God's Will? The focus needs to be on God, not on my life.
* When you believe nothing significant can happen through you, you have said more about your belief in God than you have declared about yourself. You have said that God is incapable of doing anything significant through you.
*God never asks people to dream up something to do for Him.
*God develops character to match the assignment. But we don't want to give attention to the development of our character, we just want God to give us a big assignment.
*I will never look at my situation or my circumstances except against the backdrop of the Cross!
*God takes the initiative. He chooses is, loves us and reveals His eternal purposes for our lives.

So that sums up the first 3 units ;-)

I have no idea the plans for the Hill family but I do know Who created those plans from the beginning of time. I know Who holds our future and will seek Him! For He will see the work He has started to completion!

I am excited about what God is doing in our lives. It's been hard and the road has been extremely rocky and nothing I could have ever imagined. But my Creator holds us in the palm of His hands!

Be blessed!
Becca

Persecution...

Therefore, brothers, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. 

1 Thessalonians 3:7

I don't know why I am amazed but I always find myself in awe at the beauty and blessing of the friends that God has put in my life!  This road we are all on is not easy and we will all face trials and persecution, but its the faithful friends that lead us back to the Cross and encourage us that help us on our journey.

The comment that caused such an uproar was filled with ignorance and obviously the person that posted it has never walked a mile in my shoes.  They have no idea what its like to sleep with one eye open and fear for what can happen to your child by the actions of another one of your children.  No one knows what its like to see a rage so horrific that you could swear that it was not of this world and something so demonic that it terrified you more than you could ever imagine.  For someone to be so derogatory towards our family for the healing and restoration that we have sought for Lizzie is just plain foolish.  The Bible is clear that "We are not to answer a fool in his folly lest you become like him." Proverbs 26:4. So, as bad as I wanted to blast this person, I held my tongue from what was really in my head and that's a good thing.  

I am so appreciative of the precious emails and texts that I have received from friends that love us and are so supportive of us.  I am thankful beyond what words can express for the encouragement - you have no idea that it comes at such the perfect time.  Aside from what was said on our blog, our family could really use your prayers.  We are experiencing some life changing events and we need you to pray alongside us that God would reveal His plan for our lives in due time.  Our God is rarely early but never late.  He loves us and has planned out all of our lives since the beginning of time so I find rest and comfort on the pillow of His Sovereignty!

Thank you, friends!  I love each and everyone of you!  I pray that my blog and my open and honest view of life would be an encouragement to you!!!!

Be Blessed,

Becca

Time flies when you are on an island....

Talk about being a slacker in the world of blogging!  My last post was April 2011 and there has been so much in our lives, that it would take a book, not a blog to document it all. 

We are still enjoying life in the Keys.  The weather has been amazing lately with the exception of an afternoon thunderstorm but we've enjoyed life outdoors.  We have met some amazing friends and attend a small church in the community.  We opted to choose a church here so that we could better connect with others.  It was hard traveling to the mainland every Sunday and stay connected with members.  We still consider that church family very special to our hearts and support their mission to reach the lost in South Florida.

We will be moving to a home on the water in August and can't wait to have a canal as our backyard.  We are thankful for good swimmers in our family and look forward to lots of time on the water.  We got a small boat that is perfect for us to take the girls fishing and Craig has really enjoyed spending lots of Daddy/Daughter time with his girls.  We look forward to being on our rooftop to catch a glimpse of the beautiful sunsets, gaze at the amazing stars and look out over the vastness of the ocean! 

The girls are still homeschooling and we have connected with some amazing homeschool families.  I was shocked at the number of families who have chosen to pull their kids out of school and teach them at home.  We have so much fun meeting up with these families to explore the islands.  We have been to some amazing field trips at the Turtle Hospital, Dolphin Research Center and much more.  I look forward to building these relationships and fostering the friendships that God has blessed us with here in the Keys.

Our life has turned upside down a bit and we are trying to make sense of it.  In January of this year, after much prayer and seeking wise counsel, we chose to send Lizzie to a therapeutic home in Texas.  After many months and thousands of dollars in medical expenses, we could no longer provide for her emotional needs.  She was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder last year and in the best interest of her and our smaller children, we decided to remove her from our home.  It was, by far, the most difficult decision we've had to face as a married couple.  But, we know that God is Sovereign and that He has allowed this to happen for His glory.  We know that He loves Lizzie more than we could every imagine and that He has a perfect plan for her life.  We had to remove our own personal opinions about what to do and only seek Him and His direction for our lives and her life.  God led us to a wonderful organization that has been so supportive and helpful in the journey.  We know things will only get better for Lizzie and for our family as she seeks healing and restoration in Texas.  We trust that God knows what He is doing in her heart and we have to let go and let God do the work, not us.

We are in the process of change in our home.  We can't disclose too much but we covet your prayers.  We know and feel God working in the lives of our family and its an amazing feeling!  To be totally dependent on the Lord and seek Him first in all we do, is a great place to be!  I've been doing a bible study on my own called "Experiencing God" and I am in awe at what God is teaching me.  Its so wonderful to be drawn to Him by His own choosing and to know that He has initiated a love relationship with me - little ole' me!  Its humbling to say the least and I look forward to where He is leading us in the next chapter of our lives. 

I hope to start writing more about our lives in the Keys and hopefully spend a lot less time on social media (FB).  I hope that this will be a way to keep in contact with family and friends because quite frankly, I can get sucked into FB within a matter of minutes :-)

I look forward to more writing and sprucing up the blog but I may need some pointers from some of you out there!!!  I still haven't figured all the ins and outs of the Blog World! 

Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings,

Becca

Conflict....who really wins?

I've had the honor of doing a 40 days of prayer guide through my church.  It never ceases to amaze me at God's timing!  Every day I open this little booklet, its exactly what I needed to hear that specific day! 

After being down in the Florida Keys for a few months, I've had some time to reflect on my life the last ten years.  I have definitely made some choices that have affected my  life in trememdous ways.  One of those choices, is how I handle conflict.  To be quite honest, I'm not really good at it.  Actually, I can get pretty defensive when I am being attacked and one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is to be accused of something I have not done.  Not to be prideful, but I do usually tell on myself before being busted (just ask my mom). 

So, I've thought a lot about the conflict in my life and relationships lost because of that conflict.  Its been hard lessons to learn but ones that I feel make me who I am today.  It gives me great teaching material for my girls during homeschool.  Not sure if that is what God was doing in some of those conflict situations but He has taught me to teach my girls about dealing with it. 

I opened my 40 days of prayer last week, only to find the title "Living in Conflict" at the top of the page.  "Of course," I said out loud to God.  What better topic of discussion than the one thing I struggle with the most.  Then, today I open it to "Resisting Opposition," and the first line reads "We pray 'Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven...' but often we experience conflict that stems from people's opposition to God.  It occurs in several arenas.  Many Christians have found conflict in places that they considered to be the most secure: at church, home, even family or friendships..places they believe to be outside the battle zone.  Not so!"    I sat there for a minute soaking up that statement.  It then occured to me that maybe I had viewed conflict wrong all along.  I viewed it as an attack on me, personally, rather than an attack in the unseen world.  "It is the unseen world where our real enemy lies.  He will try to damage wherever he can."  So, that's it!  I was giving way too much credit to those around me that were attacking me and my family.  We recently had a situation that I will not go into detail.  But, we were attacked by people we claimed to be friends and brothers/sisters in Christ.  We weren't sure where the attacks were coming from and we were quite frankly completely blindsided.  We (Craig and I) became very defensive and to be quite honest, a spirit of bitterness welled up inside of me.  I felt like when we left our home of 10+ years, things were left unsettled and a lot of questions unanswered.  It brought me back to another time in my life, where I lost a very dear friend of mine to a series of arguments, arrogant attitudes and deadly defensiveness.  The hurt began to grow again inside of me and the best thing I thought could happen was to escape my life in the one place I felt such opposition. 

For whatever reason, God did choose to move us away from Texas and away from close friends and also those that were no longer friends.  It grieved me to leave the home I had known for so long and the friends that I held so dear to my heart.  It also saddened me of the things that were left undone and the reconciliation that had yet to take place.  But, at times, I wonder if in God's perfect timing, He did remove us so that I could see and learn from what we had been through as a family. 

While reading my devotion, I came to realize that as long as we harbor bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment in our hearts, we allow the enemy to come in and steal, kill and destroy.  When we choose to allow the opposition of others to dictate our lives and then, in turn, become defensive and hateful - guess who wins?  Yep, the enemy.  We are falling into his perfect trap of deception and its a downward spiral from that point.  Its scary to say the least!

You know, my brother, Michael is a great example of a duck.  When he is attacked as an individual, he really lets things roll off his back.  We recently had a great discussion about this very thing.  We were part of a situation that involved the two of us.  I made a couple of comments and then later had to apologize.  His response, "I was over it a long time ago."  And, rest assured, he was!  I wish I could be more like my brother. 

So, what have I learned this week:

The greatest arena of spiritual warfare occurs in our heads.
A stronghold is an attitude or mindset impregnated with despair that accepts as unchangeable anything that is contrary to the will of God.
Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads (that's just a funny church sign I saw before I left Texas)
Am I a tool in the hands of the enemy?  By accusing falsely, by spreading gossip, by bringing damage to others' lives?

My prayer is that God would change my mindset.  I pray that I won't view conflict as a personal attack on me but rather its a battle that rages around me in the spiritual realm.  When someone opposes me or persecutes me, how will I handle the conflict? 

As I type this, the radio program is on "forgiveness."  Hmmm, how fitting :-)

Blessings,
Becca

Where has the time gone.....

I never thought I would be one of those adoptive blogging parents that would slack off from keeping everyone updated once we returned home.  But, here I am eating my words!

We arrived home on November 3 as a family of 6!  Its still hard to believe all that took place from the day we first hosted Stephanie and Lizzie in December 2009.  With no desire to adopt and no money, we never thought we'd walk down that road!  Plus, all the comments about disturbing the birth order really had me freaked out. Even though I had two precious friends (Stephanee and Camille) that had gone before me, I just knew that older child adoption was NOT for me!  But, here we come down the escalator in the Austin airport with four girls in tow and in that mix - a teenager!

I will be completely honest and will not sugar-coat anything.  The first couple of months were VERY tough.  Lots of tears, lots of confusion, lots of stress, lots of fighting, lots of doubts, but LOTS OF PRAYING!  That is the only thing that got us through those months.  My poor friends probably thought I had fallen off the deep end.  There were days when I questioned what we had done bringing these girls to America.  What had I done to my existing family?  Had I ruined the lives of Molly and Madeline forever?  What had we done to our marriage?  But, I kept being encouraged by my sweet friends, Stephanee, Camille, Hollie, Colleen, Lynne, Cindy and many more that have gone before me with teenagers.  I received great advice from Cindy one evening over dinner.  She said "Don't assume the worse in her.  Don't assume she is doing anything bad.  Let her live a little.  Trust God with her life."  I chewed on those words for days.  And, that is exactly what I have done - put my trust in OUR Heavenly Father - not trusting in my ability to parent a teenager. 

We have continued to homeschool and that has been another challenge.  Its like teaching three 1st graders to read.  Right when I was at the end of my rope, my precious Molly (diagnosed with Auditory Processing Disorder and not able to read) picks up "Cat and the Hat" and starts reading - ON HER OWN!  God knew I was at a breaking point and for whatever reason, He chose to extent His grace and mercy to me that day and perform a miracle!  Molly loves to read and I catch her reading to her two older sisters quite often!  School is going well and with the help of the owner of My Father's World and his wonderful advice, we are on the road to a great school year!  The best is hearing my girls tell Bible Stories to one another and being able to answer questions from the Shorter Catechism!  I stand in awe at the work the Lord is doing in their lives!

Well, the big news of the year so far is - WE ARE NOW FLORIDIANS!  It has been a big desire of ours to  move to Florida.  We were here in the summer of 2009 and God shut the doors of that business opportunity.  We have prayed for years that God would give us the desire of our hearts and move us there and we had to fully trust in His timing.  When we returned from Ukraine, a series of events occurred that allowed Craig to sell his business to our dear friends.  It was an amazing opportunity for the two of them and we are grateful that God provided that relationship.  After selling his firm, he made a call to a friend in South Florida to notify him of the sale of his business.  The friend says, "Funny that you should call today.  I came in on Saturday to get your resume.  I need to move back up north to take care of my daughter and her son.  You are the only one for my job."  And, less than a month later, on January 10th, we loaded a Penske and moved to Key Largo, Florida! 

Key Largo is wonderful!  We have met some amazing homeschool families and attend the same church we did in 2009.  We weren't sure where we would go to church and visited several before sensing that God was leading us back to Redlands Community.  We love it!  Its a Presbyterian church and is so focused on community and missions as well as disciplining the flock.  Its a GREAT balance and we feel so at home there.  We have already met some amazing friends at RCC and look forward to how God will use us to serve Him there in that congregation and in our community.

I've attached some photos of our life in the Keys.  We are so blessed to be here and there are days when we wake up pinching ourselves that God gave us the desire of our hearts!  He is simply amazing!

We look forward to our journey here and welcome all of you to come visit us!  We have our first set of visitors next week as Craig's parents will be coming for his birthday!  My  mom is coming the first part of April for Madeline's birthday and to watch me run in the 7 Mile Bridge Run in Marathon, Florida. 

Things to pray for:
My mom desperately wants to be close to us.  Please pray that her house sells and that she can find a job in South Florida.  Pray that God would comfort her during her time away from us.  Its been hard on her emotionally and physically to be away from her grandbabies!

Craig's work at Community Bank.  This is a praise! Craig is so busy meeting with clients.  Craig is so gifted when it comes to Financial Planning and he is finally getting to really use this talents!

Homeschool for us.  We are still working on getting into a set curriculum for the girls.  Pray that we will find what works for all of us.  Pray for patience and endurance for me!  Praise that we have met a huge community of homeschool families in the Keys - who knew!

Blessings to all of you!!!!!

The Hills from Florida :-)

It is complete.....

We are out of here!  Today, at 3:30 PM, we completed the final step in the Ukraine Adoption process!  We received our visas from the US Embassy for our girls and we are headed home tomorrow!!!

We are currently at the Aeroport Hotel (about 10 minutes from the airport) and we will be leaving at 5:35 AM tomorrow.  The middle girls are already dressed and plan on sleeping in their airplane attire, Madeline refuses to wear clothes and we actually caught her in the hotel hallway with absolutely nothing on her body!  And, of course, my oldest is watching the last bit of Ukraine television before going to sleep and leaving the country she has known for 15 years.

We had the blessing of seeing Alla the last night of our journey in Ukraine.  She has been a part of my girls' lives for the last 4 years and is like family to them.  She met us for dinner at our favorite restaurant in Kiev (Arizona's BBQ). Check out the photos below :-).  They import their food from the United States and its authentic!  Check out the Mississippi flag in the background - how appropriate for this MS Girl!  We also greeted another family (our friends) that traveled to Kiev today from New Braunfels to adopt out of our same orphanage.  Their appointment is on Thursday and they are adopting three kids that have come on hosting trips to the US.  They are excited and we wanted to give them the details on what to expect while in the region.  It was good to see them before we left the country.  We also got to have dinner with our incredible facilitator and her husband.  They have done an AMAZING job on our adoption and we are forever grateful to them for their services.  Denis and Vika were also there to say good-bye to us.  Molly cried for 30 minutes because she didn't want to leave Vika.  They have been such a huge help to us during this trip.  They are Aunt Vika and Uncle Denis to my girls!

Stephanie also had a hard time leaving and this was the first time she has actually shown any emotion since we've been in Ukraine.  I thought it was odd that she did not cry when we left the orphanage but I wonder if its all beginning to hit her now.  Plus, we were leaving Alla tonight and she is like family to my girls.  So, the car ride to the hotel was very quiet with the sounds of sniffles coming from three of my four girls.  It is bittersweet to leave this place.  Three of my girls are from this country and this is a part of their lives that will never be replaced.  This is their homeland.  This is where their journeys began and it will always hold a special place in their hearts and mine. 

We are ready to return home.  We got here on October 2nd and we are leaving November 3rd.  It was a little longer than expected but it went so incredibly smooth!  We are forever grateful to all of you that have prayed us through this journey.  We could never do anything without the love, encouragement and support of our family and friends.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Is our journey over?   ....who knows.  I don't know what the future holds but I know Who holds the future.

Blessings,
The Hills (all 6 of us)!!!




My two Cowgirls




My Chocolate Addict




The Whole Gang!



I will not leave you as orphans.....

Today, at 2:30 PM on October 26, 2010 - two girls walked out of an orphanage in Ukraine and left their years of living as orphans.  They left a life of being unloved, a life of dispair, and feelings of sadness to a life of hope, unconditional love, and a home which brings the joy of having a family.

My girls were packed and ready to go when we got to the orphanage.  Their friends anxiously but with sadness watched them as they hugged one another, snapped last minute photos, and said their good-byes.  Even though we will return tomorrow with sweets and juices for a "Going Away" party, today was their last day as orphans.  It was a memorable day and bittersweet, I'm sure.  I can't imagine leaving a life where I depended on the relationships and shared such a strong commonality with those around me.  I have left friends before and it was hard, but I can't imagine leaving what I considered for the last 5 years, my family.  I know my girls were excited to leave but you could also sense their sadness.  I pray for those that we left behind.  A few of those I will continue to pray for are:

Alina - she is Stephanie Tatiana's best friend.  She was not there today but she left a gift for me.  I can completely understand why she chose to stay away today.  Her best friend is leaving and she is having to continue her life without the person she considers as her sister. Alina is a precious soul and one I could spend my lifetime advocating for and I will do so!  She does have three siblings and I met one of them, Kolya.  He is a sweet boy and LOVES candy!   Stephanie wants someone to host Alina at Christmas (she has a person in mind - Tasha (hint, hint) but we would love anyone to host her if she can't do that this year).

Aloyna (aka Helen) - this sweet, precious child does have a family interested in adopting her and they are from New Braunfels.  Please pray for the family as they begin the dossier preparations and a journey that will take them to the other side of the world.  We love this child!

Pasha - what a precious boy!  He is the most well-behaved 15 year old I have ever met!  He absolutely adored us for some reason and Madeline spent a lot of time flirting with him.  We are praying with a family now that is interested in hosting him.  We pray for God's will to be done in his life.

Olya - another friend of Stephanie's.  Absolutely precious young girl (14 years old) and has an older sister that is not adoptable.  Olya really desires to come for Christmas and to find a forever family.  I wish I could have spent more time with her - she is adorable.

Slavik and Vova - two sweet brothers.  Slavik meets us at the car everyday!  He must have Becca radar or something because he is the first one out the door if he's not already outside waiting for us.  We are praying with a couple of families that might be interested in hosting them.  Their mother visits them on a regular basis so we need to do an official check on the availability for adoption.

Yura and Vitaly - another precious sibling group!  Yura is 10 and Vitaly is 13.  They are on our website for potential hosting and they are cutie pies!  So, so, sweet!  Yura has the cutest dimples EVER!

Vika, Maya and Kolya - I could spend a whole post on this group of kiddos.  They have been to Texas several times and its just not in God's plan for them to be adopted by their host family.  The family loves them dearly but just does not feel the call to adopt right now.  Vika - 15, Maya - 12, and Kolya - 7 are a precious sibling group.  Kolya is hard and would require a very strong father figure to guide and direct him.  The girls are amazing.  Vika speaks fluent English and has been a huge help to us these three weeks. 

Andriy - he is 12 and I finally got the opportunity to meet him last night.  He desires so much for a family and really wants to come to America for Christmas.  I have a photo of him that I will post at a later date.

I could go on and on about children!  I plan on featuring a child per week on my blog with photos.  If anyone is interested in hosting children, please visit our website (http://www.charis4orphans.org/) and under "Hosting" the password is ukraine. 

I pray that one day, I will be reading the blogs of families that have rescued the children above and they will be orphans no more.

Thanks for all your prayers!  We love each and every one of you!  You have no idea what your love, support and prayers have done for us in the journey!

The Hills

The tale of two mothers.....

On October 22, 2010, I had the honor of meeting the woman that chose to give my daughter life.  Molly's biological mother, Viktoria, agreed to meet us for dinner.  I thought about it all day and what to expect but nothing could prepare me for this meeting.  I trusted God that He had it totally under control and of course, He did - every bit! 

Unfortunately, I had been sick most of the day.  Mom had a stomach bug that she graciously passed on to me.  However, she knew how much it hurt, so she was very willing to forego her trip to the mall to take care of me.  I was very grateful for her nursing care! I was very worried that I would be too sick to meet Viktoria but I was praying that God would make me well enough to go that evening. 

When we got to our meeting place (McDonald's by the train station), we were the first to arrive.  Denis went outside to see if he could find them and Craig and I were alone.  We both were nervous and excited at the same time.  We had no idea what to expect and we never thought we would be at this place.  We remember about 7 years ago when we made the decision to adopt internationally so that we would never have to come in contact with a birthmother.  Boy, have our thoughts and feelings changed about that whole concept.  Here we were, waiting for the birthmother that we never thought we'd ever get to meet. 

She walked inside and since I have seen photos of her, I recognized her immediately.  She definitely looked younger in person than in pictures. She carried her precious 1 year old daughter, Irina, in her arms.  Her new husband, Viktor and oldest daughter, Tanya, were behind her.  Viktoria was beautiful in her own way - I don't know if its her outside beauty or the fact that I recognize her as Molly's "first" mommy.  We left McDonald's and walked across the street to a Ukrainian restaurant.  On the way over, Viktoria said that the rest of the children (Dima, Nastiya, and Yana) were home and wanted so badly to come meet me.  They were upset that they didn't get to come but it was late and too much to bring so many children into town.  They live in a very small, poor village about 30 minutes by bus.  Tanya said on our way over to the restaurant that she felt like she was in a dream.  She said that she never thought this day would ever come in her life - to meet the woman that adopted her sister.  A little background on Tanya...
When Denis found Viktoria in 2004, Tanya was the one that answered the door.  When Denis said why he was there and it was in the interest of a child of Viktoria's that was adopted, Tanya started crying.  We later found out that Tanya had been told that Molly died at birth.  We aren't sure why they chose to lie to her but it has hurt her tremendously and you can see it in her eyes.  She is still very hurt and saddened but I was so happy that she came that night.

I brought a photo album of Molly's pictures throughout the past 6 years to Viktoria.  She thumbed through them and then gave us her phone so that we could scroll photos of her children.  There was one photo of Yana, Molly's sister, that jumped out at us - she look IDENTICAL to Molly.  We had to glance a second time to make sure Molly had not made a secret visit to Ukraine.  It was amazing to see the resemblance in Molly and all of her siblings.  If Viktoria were blonde and smaller, Molly would look much like her.  They have the same cheek bones and lips.  It was pretty cool to look into the face of the woman who gave birth to my child. 

Zhenya (Tanya's boyfriend) and Viktor (Viktoria's husband) got up to get something to eat.  At that time, we thought it was best to talk to Viktoria.  We told her how thankful we were to her and that she chose the most selfless act of any mother - to place her child up for adoption.  We told her that we knew it had to have been the most difficult decision she would ever make but that we were happy with the gift that she chose to give us.  We told her that Molly is very aware of her family in Ukraine and that she will always be told of her life here and that I hoped one day she would come meet her.  She began to cry as did Tanya, and then of course, me.  We cried over a child that two mothers love and hold deeply in their hearts.  Viktoria and I share a bond that can never been broken.  We both love Molly Luba with all of heart and we both desire the best for her life.  Viktoria knew 7 1/2 years ago that she could not provide for the child she was carrying in her womb and she knew she would have to make a very hard decision but in that decision, she knew her child would receive life.  She thanked us for providing for Molly and was so happy to hear how she had grown up the last 6 years.  I can't imagine the thoughts or emotions running through her body and mind.  I am not even going to begin to try to understand the heartache she must face on a daily basis of not having a child, she bore, beneath her wings.  But, I do understand the ache for a child and the feeling when an empty lap is filled with the child you desperately long and pray for.  And, I am grateful for Viktoria and the life that she has given me!

We left the meeting with lots of hugs and promises to keep in touch.  We are so blessed to have Denis in Dnepropetrovsk and his willingness to go see her on a regular basis.  We will most definitely continue to keep in touch and one day, when Molly is ready and she so chooses, we will bring her back to meet her "life mommy!" 

We are now back in Zhytomyr.  We spent a lovely evening with Alla's mother and of course, she fed us a wonderful meal!  We saw the girls and tomorrow we will go again and spend our last day at the orphanage.  On Tuesday, we will pick up the court decree and the girls will leave with us - FOREVER!  Its hard to believe that they only have 2 more nights in the orphanage.  Craig will also travel to the border of Hungary and Ukraine to get Tanya's new birth certificate.  He is not so happy as its a very long train ride but it has to be done.  Hopefully, we will get all the documents needed by Thursday and head to Kiev that evening.  If all goes well, maybe we will be home by next Tuesday.  Praying for a smooth week!

Blessings to all of you!
The Hills

WOW - What a day!

Today was a very exciting day even though the skies were quite gray and the weather was dreary. We were up early and dressed and headed to Molly's orphanage. We took the bus (like old times) and went the exact track. I took video of our journey, even our walk through the woods that we did every day for over 5 weeks. It was very cold and very different than 6 years ago in the heat of the summer. We were bundled up with heavy coats, scarves, hats and gloves. When we approached the building, I had a wave of emotion. I can't believe that this is the place that my child called "home" for 17 months of her life! The outside of the building and the smell as we stepped foot into it, was the same. However, the walls had been painted and new couches had been placed in the LONG hallway. It looked very different inside and much better than 6 years ago. We went upstairs to meet with Svetlana, the orphanage director. It was great to hug her neck and show her pictures of Molly from the last 6 years. None of Molly's caregivers were there because of changes at the orphanage. There are only 60 children there and most of them are not adoptable. There were 180 children when Molly was there in 2004. Apparently, Svetlana had a dream of opening up a rehabilitation center for children with special needs. And, her dream has come true! Its the only rehab center in the whole country of Ukraine! The equipment was purchased by a family in Germany that adopted from that orphanage many, many years ago. Their son is now 18. Its state of the art rehab equipment and its all kids' size! Its ADORABLE - pictures below. Svetlana then showed us an "aromatherapy" room for the children and a place for them to lay down and relax! It was soooo cool and I was tempted to stay and let my family go on the rest of the tour alone. It smelled heavenly! She also has a wing where mothers with children with special needs can come there and receive therapy at no charge. This helps with those mothers that abandon their children because they are born with abnormalities. The mothers can stay with their children as they receive the necessary treatment/rehab. These mothers learn to cope with their special needs and provide for them rather than leaving them on doorsteps of baby houses. Its a GREAT program!


We then went into the special needs part of the orphanage and we met Sasha! He melted our heart immediately and he loved Craig! He has Down's but is very high functioning. He is extremely smart and he's only 2 1/2. Madeline loved him too. I was so happy to hear that two American families had adopted out of that room this past summer.

We got to see Luba, the orphanage attorney. She was so special to us and was at our court hearing in 2004. She is a lovely person and it was great to see her face and hug her neck. It was actually great to be back and they loved that we brought Molly to visit them! So many families promise to bring the children back and never come. We left photos and chocolate!

The orphanage is in need of roof repairs. It will take about $2000 to repair so we are praying that maybe our marathon (www.marathonforadoption.com) will help accomplish that goal in the future.



We pick up our girls one week from today! We are excited to see them this weekend and pray that they are doing okay without us. We have enjoyed our time in Dnepropetrovsk and look forward to meeting Molly's biological mother this week. Molly will not be going with us but Craig and I plan on meeting with her. We will get the opportunity to ask about her family, medical history, and get to know her personally.



Thanks for all your prayers! We are so thankful for ALL of you!

Blessings,

The Hills (all 6 of us)!!!