Redemption

It was 10:38 pm on December 23rd when I saw the number pop up on my phone.  I had a feeling it was her but I wasn't ready to answer.  I had no idea what she wanted and how the conversation would flow, so I screened the call.  We've all been there, screening our calls, but this was really different.  I just happen to be laying next the biggest gift the caller had ever given me - a child.  She left a message and I did what any normal person would do, I listened to it over and over and over.  It was such a shock that she had chosen to call me.  I had an idea of what she wanted but I wasn't sure.  I wanted to talk to Craig before I called her back and he had been asleep for at least an hour. I sent a text to a friend that I had been texting earlier in the day and told her that I was "freaking out."  She kept encouraging me to call but I couldn't make myself push the keys.  I was nervous, scared, excited, and overwhelmed.  I listened to the message again.  "Hi, Becca, this is Bri.  This is my number xxx-xxxx.  Can you give me a call when you can?  Love you guys. Bye."  It was her.  It was the one girl that I think of everyday when I look into Madeline's eyes.  Its the one that I am forever grateful to for giving me a life to care for, to love, to protect, to teach.  Its the one girl that I miss so much because I felt like a part of me walked out of that hospital room on April 10, 2008.  I couldn't sleep that night and kept replaying the message over in my head.  I prayed for her as I lay with my eyes wide open looking at the moon as it peered through my blinds.  What was she thinking?  Did she want an update?  Was it bad news?  The thoughts played over in my head until morning.

I knew she wouldn't be up as early as me so I sent a text rather than calling.  "Hi Bri, it is so good to hear your voice. Call me when you wake up.  Love you!"  That was at 9:00 am and I waited.  And, I waited.  And, I waited.  I kept checking my  phone throughout the day.  After hours of no phone call, I wondered if I had missed my chance.  I had not spoken to her or heard her voice since December 2010 when she called collect to wish us a "Merry Christmas."  Oh, how I have missed her.  I missed the sweetness in her voice and I missed the relationship that we had prior to Madeline's birth.
Then, at 3:07, I could hear my phone ringing.  My home was filled with friends of my girls as they baked Christmas cookies.  I had a feeling it was her so I ran to my bedroom to take the call.  Oh, the sound of her voice made my heart melt.  I really had missed her voice.  Its almost like a small child's voice with a hint of innocence.  A voice that longs for Truth, a voice that longs for acceptance, a voice that longs for healing, a voice that longs for redemption.  We spoke for 27 minutes and it was some of the best conversation and much more than I had expected from her. 

I started off by asking her if she wanted to know about Madeline.  She agreed to listen.  I was a bit hesitant at first to tell her but I wanted her to know that she was in a good place, where she was loved and taken care of.  I could almost hearing her grinning on the other end of the phone as I told her about Madeline's humor, her beautiful heart and the things that reminded me of her "first" mommy.  I told her that we have always told Madeline from early on that she was brought to us by the miracle of adoption.  I reminded her that she had given us the greatest gift and that we would always be forever grateful for the selfless act of placing her child up for adoption.  She couldn't believe that we spoke so highly of her to Madeline and she was thankful that her daughter would grow up knowing how much she loved her.  I could almost sense tears on the other end of the phone and then she began to talk.  It was hard to hear at first but she wanted to share her heart.  She started with telling me that I had the voice of an angel and that she has longed to talk to me for years.  Now, my tears were falling.  Me?  An angel?  Not likely, not even close!

She went on to tell me that the best decision she had ever made in her life was to place Madeline with us.  She explained why she had not been in touch and it wasn't because she didn't love her, she didn't want to ever come in between what Craig and I have with Madeline.  She reassured me that we were her parents and she would never want to put Madeline in a position of having to choose or to be confused of her identity.  I respect that and I felt like Briana had matured into a responsible young adult. She voiced that she did have a hard heart towards Madeline and that was difficult to hear but understand.  It was those words that I played over and over in my head for the next couple of days.  Having to give up a child is one of the hardest things anyone could ever do.  I've been there in a way and I can understand to some extent.  Its there, when we have hit what we feel is rock bottom and can only look up.  Its there, in the pit, where we long for redemption, for healing, for truth.

So, I have begun to pray harder than I ever have for Briana.  I pray for complete and total healing.  I pray that one day she can think of her daughter without shame, regret or a hard heart.  I pray that she can find healing in knowing that adoption IS redemption.  I pray that God would turn her heart of stone into a heart of flesh.  I pray that one day she can look into our daughter's eyes and know that she was instrumental in bringing redemption to Madeline.  She had a choice and she chose wisely.  I pray that our reconnection would cause her to think about her life, her choices, her future, and her Creator.  I pray that 2014 will bring new life to her, to her soul.  I beg God to redeem this child and to adopt her into His loving family.

Psalm 107 reminds me of His redemptive power!

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! 

Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble
and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south.
Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. 

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 

He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. 

Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! 

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. 

Some sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, prisoners in affliction and in irons, for they had rebelled against the words of God, and spurned the counsel of the Most High. 

So he bowed their hearts down with hard labor; they fell down, with none to help. 

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart.
Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!
For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.
Some were fools through their sinful ways, and because of their iniquities suffered affliction;
they loathed any kind of food, and they drew near to the gates of death.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. 

Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! 

And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy! 

Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the LORD, his wondrous works in the deep.
For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea.
They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits' end.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.
He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.
Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven.
Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!
Let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.
He turns rivers into a desert, springs of water into thirsty ground, a fruitful land into a salty waste, because of the evil of its inhabitants. 

He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water. 

And there he lets the hungry dwell, and they establish a city to live in; they sow fields and plant vineyards and get a fruitful yield. 

By his blessing they multiply greatly, and he does not let their livestock diminish. 

When they are diminished and brought low through oppression, evil, and sorrow, he pours contempt on princes and makes them wander in trackless wastes; but he raises up the needy out of affliction and makes their families like flocks. The upright see it and are glad, and all wickedness shuts its mouth.
Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.

Doctors and Surgeries and Hospitals - OH MY!

Now, if you didn't do that in your best Judy Garland voice - go back and read it again :)

Don't let the title of this scare you because its just part of life - right?  The Hills have been so fortunate to never meet their insurance deductible but this year - we just might do it!  I don't know if I should  celebrate or cry that three of the Hills will be doing their best to get this accomplished! Yay for the overachievers - it must be our newest obsession with CrossFit :)

Back in October 2012, I saw the doctor for my routine "woman" exam.  It was determined on that day, that not only do I have some "suspicious" spots in my breasts BUT I have these monsters growing inside of my uterus that they like to refer to as fibroids.  I was told during that exam that I may need to consider an ablation or partial hysterectomy.  I sort of just forgot about that discussion and went on my merry way.  I mean, who really wants to be put to sleep and have part of your body removed - hmmmm, not me.  Fast forward to now and I found myself back at the doctor with pain I was sick of and wondered if these little monsters had grown in such a short time.  It felt like they were sucking the life out of me!  Yep, looks like I'm feeding them all sorts of nutrients because an ultrasound wasn't even needed to prove their growth! So, they must come out and in fact, my uterus must join these monsters!  On August 8th, I will be having a partial hysterectomy.  I took it really hard at my appointment.  The waiting room was filled with chipper pregnant women (and a teenager) and I sat there with my hopes and dreams completely squashed of ever having a baby within my womb.  Now, you must be thinking, "Wait, I thought you were done with that anyway."  Yes, you are right but there is something about being told "Now that you've exhausted your efforts of having biological children and the fact that you are past the reproductive age, your best option is the partial hysterectomy."  I am done with that part of my life and I've come to terms that God chose to put me right where He wanted me and blessed me with children that came from another. But, its just the finality of it all. For those of you that have yearned for a baby in your womb, you get it!  But, I am not choosing to let this get the best of me - I am confident that "He who began a good work in me will carry it on until completion."  I trust in a Sovereign God that loves me more than I could imagine!

Now to the hard part - Molly.  My precious little Ukrainian came to us almost 9 years ago!  Its so hard to believe that it has been almost a decade and it seems like just yesterday we were walking through those doors at the San Antonio airport.  If you remember Molly when she came home, she was quite the "transparent" baby. She was so pale and I thought "I'll own stock in Coppertone!"  I must have kept 500 SPF on her for much of her early life.  Well, she had a cute little "beauty mark" appear on her jaw line a few years ago.  I've thought nothing of it until it recently became red around it.  During my dermatology exam a couple of weeks ago - I just nonchalantly mentioned it to my doctor.  She asked if I could bring Molly in the following week.  Sure.  Well, it was not what a mama wants to hear... "I'm going to have to refer you to All Children's Hospital in St. Pete. The area has irregular pigmentation and should be removed and biopsied."  My poor little Molly had tears as big as Texas well up in her eyes.  It took all I had to hold back my tears and keep my cool - for her sake!  She was completely silent but had tons of questions once we got into the car.  She asked if we could "go talk about it over a breakfast of pancakes."  Absolutely, baby!  So, on October 8th, we have an appointment with Dr. Michael Gallant.  I've googled him, because that's how I roll.  And, to my GREAT surprise, he appears to be an amazing doctor!  He has traveled all over (including Eastern Europe) to perform cleft palate surgeries on orphans and poverty-stricken children.  Some of the reviews call him "an angel" "a God-send" "a saint."  So, I am confident that God has us going to one of the best!  We wait and look forward to getting this little spot resolved and moving on with our lives.

Then, there is my loving hubby, Craig.  Poor guy - he must have been one tough kid growing up!  Apparently, his nose has been broken a few times and its just a mess.  The ENT that he recently saw won't even touch it (surgery-wise) and referred him to a Facial Plastic Surgeon.  I feel so sorry for him and have for many years.  He has chronic sinus infections and can barely breathe.  You can imagine his sleeping habits and I'm sure he doesn't get good sound sleep because of this nose structure.  The ENT and surgeon confirmed that the right side of his nose is completely closed!  Amazing that he hasn't had any other major issues!  God has protected him!  So, as soon as our insurance authorizes his surgery, he will go in for sinus surgery and reconstruction of a broken nose.  I am hoping and praying that this brings immediate relief to him.  He has struggled for so many years and its going to be awesome to see how his quality of life changes for the better!

So, with all that being said....you can imagine the whirlwind of emotions this mama has going through her head.  I am so blessed to have a mom and mom-in-law that will be here for my surgery!  My in-laws were scheduled to come anyway and Mama Hill is staying longer to help out.  My heart is full.  We also belong to an incredible church that has already started praying for us and is willing to help with anything we need.  I belong to a wonderful community of homeschool friends who have offered to take the girls for playdates and events.  I am well taken care of and I am overwhelmed at the love and support of so many.

God has us on this yellow brick road for one reason - to bring Him Glory.  I don't, for one minute, shake my fist at Him for all of this, but embrace it and consider it pure joy.  I pray that He would use this for His kingdom and not mine!  I pray that we would all remain calm and lean on Him during these challenging times.  He is in control and I may not know the future but I know Who holds it.

Please pray for our family.  Pray for the doctors and that God would guide their hands.  Pray for good results for Miss Molly and that He would calm her nerves.  Pray that Craig would get immediate relief and that his time away from work would be minimal.  Pray that my recovery is short and that I can start this school year off to a great start and free from monsters and pain!

Following HIS yellow brick road,

Becca

Hello, my name is Becca, and I am a Trauma Mama....

(This is a wounded, open heart post)

When I was younger, my mom, little brother and I watched a movie on TV where a mother admitted her daughter into a drug rehab.  During their therapy sessions, the patients would stand up and say "Hi, my name is Anna and I am a drug addict."  The rest of the patients would say, "We love you, Anna."  This went on and on and on and it grated on my last nerve.  So, for years, my brother and mom would just, out of nowhere, say "We love you, Rebecca."   It was usually during a pretty dramatic time of my life where my world was crumbling (not really but it usually had to do with breakups, lost friendships, or not having anything to wear on a Friday night).

So, with the title of my post, I am waiting to hear those words "We love you, Rebecca." Because, I am having one of those days!  Actually, its been years but I am just starting to realize that I am, in fact, the mother of children who were traumatized.  As most of you know, my children did not come to me the good old fashion way and for that, I am thankful and surely blessed!  But, my children did experience trauma in their lives, whether it was in the womb, in an institution or both.  I can't imagine not knowing the feeling of a mom holding and rocking me tight.  I don't know what its like to not eat three meals a day.  I don't know the feeling of watching my mother be abused and nearly killed.  I don't know what its like to cry for hours and no one know you're even in the room.  I don't know what its like to wish every day for a family.  I don't know trauma like my kids know trauma!

A couple of years ago, I joined a group of women on Facebook that were all parenting children with major behavioral and emotional issues.  We are known as TRAUMA MAMAS!  We had our own nightmare going on and I just needed to surround myself with other mothers that knew my day in and day out battles.  Unfortunately, we chose to remove the child from our home that was wrecking everyone's life.  It was and still is the hardest decision of our parenting lives.  But, it was the best decision for her and for our family.  I just assumed that she was the only child that had experienced such a traumatic past and that my other children were just fine.  I was wrong - you know what they say about assuming!

Today started out with just a simple task.  Actually, it started several weeks ago but the deadline has come and gone and I wanted to make sure a particular child finished her assignment.  Well, that simple task has taken over 5 hours and lots of sighs, grunts, rolling of the eyes, tears and a nervous breakdown and that was just ME!  The child in question is beyond frustrated and what should have taken her just a matter of minutes has become a day long activity.  By noon, I was done.  I was up to my ears in parenting.  I wanted to just grab everything from her and do it myself.  But, instead, I took a seat on the back porch and called my husband.  He is so wonderful and encouraging.  He reminds me all the time that I am doing my best as a mom.  He reminded me about GRACE!  He offered solutions and practical advice.  Sometimes, you just need the basics!

I still feel at a loss but I do see a path.  I do see there is a way out of the woods.  I do see and hear of people wanting to help me, to help her.  I need to swallow my pride and say "You know, I don't care what people think or say, my children have been traumatized and they need help." I need to start by telling myself this and believing it!  Its hard to think that your kids need something more than your love.  I remember when we disrupted our adoption, I actually had people tell me or have others tell me, "All she really needs is to be loved more."  I had others bash me (indirectly) on their blogs of how "adoption is hard" but to never give up - don't dare abandon a child that had already been abandoned, etc.  Oh, because they have it all together, I began to feel guilty for not loving our daughter enough and doing enough for her while she was in our care.

So, my mind went back there today with our three here at home, especially one child in particular. I started questioning my parenting skills or lack there of.  I began to wonder if I was the right family for this child that struggles so much in our family.  I began to question if I've done everything humanly possible to make sure she succeeds.  I began to feel guilty.  I feel ashamed for not reaching out to professionals sooner and now we are at a huge crossroads.  "This is all my fault" I began to say over and over in my brain.  I started resenting her a long time ago but this was all  my doing.  But, my earthly knight in shining armor reassured me, its not my fault.  He assures me that there is hope!  He reminds me of my ultimate Knight In Shining Armor - my Heavenly Father - who has this all figured out.  He has already shown His Grace and Mercy over the last few days.  He has already shown me that He holds the future of my child (not me!).  He's got this!  He is Sovereign and He doesn't need me to accomplish His will.  I am here to protect her, to nurture her, love her, guide her, and most importantly - teach her about the Love and Grace of her Savior, Jesus Christ!  I plant the seeds, the Lord makes it grow.  I need to let go!  But, its so much easier said than done!

I need to first admit that I am STILL a TRAUMA MAMA!  My kids struggle.  They aren't where they need to be academically.  Actually, they are behind in many areas of life.  They aren't receiving full scholarships to universities.  They aren't the top of the class, the Valedictorian, the Prom Queen.  They don't thrive in areas of their peers and you know what - IT IS OKAY!!!!!!!!!!  I'm preaching to myself more than anyone!  I need to hear this every minute of every day!  I need to know that I am going to have to repeat myself over and over to these children that just don't get it the first time and most often, the tenth time.  I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that I have a child with major special needs.  I need to understand that this is the life that God has so graciously given to me and I need to be thankful for it. I need to realize that I don't have it all together and neither do my children and throw out the expectations.  I need to stop comparing my children to those that were adopted from the same orphanage at the same time (this is a big one!).  My children are blessings, gifts from my Father and He will equip me to do the work He has called me to do. 

Most importantly, I should be seeking Christ and His will for the lives of my children.  I should trust Him to heal them of the trauma they experienced at such an early age in life.  I need to do a lot less complaining when things aren't going as planned and know He isn't surprised by any of it.  I need the Lord now more than ever before!  I need to not worry about what man thinks of my situation but lean on my Heavenly Father and curl up into His arms and hear him say "I love you, Rebecca."


Becca

RECLAIMED!

There are times in your life when God just wakes you up in the middle of the night and wants to show you something!  If you ever find yourself wide awake, tossing and turning - remember, it might not be that Coke you drank at 3:00 that afternoon - it might be God!

I was in the bed with Madeline because she had a bad dream and needed her mommy close by.  I couldn't sleep and decided to go through my phone and clean up old texts.  As I went through my phone, I ran across a text I had received in January (its April at this point).  An old friend of mine had invited me to her blog and to be honest, I never went to it.  I'm not sure why but maybe I was just a little confused at a situation that had gone down about 5 years ago.  I lost touch with this friend after a pretty nasty divorce with her hubby.  I introduced them many moons ago and to be honest, I might have been a little bitter towards both of them.  I've been known to make things about ME!

Well, God woke me up and He caused me to go through my text and for good reason - His Glory!  I went to my friend's blog and found myself in tears an hour later.  My heart just broke for her, for her husband, for her kids - for all of those involved.  I knew I needed to reach out to her but I wasn't sure if she would be receptive - I had pretty much dropped her like a hot cake.  I never gave her the benefit of the doubt or asked her side of the story.  I did a lot of assuming and never knew that my friend's heart was breaking!  You can read her blog to understand the journey she has been on and where God is taking her in this thing called life!

The next morning after reading her blog, I feel inclined to text her.  Texting her would be pretty safe and I would know whether or not she was receptive if she responded.  My text was "Just wanted  you to know that I've kept up with your blog.  Beautiful writings.  I do love you!"  She immediately replied that she loved me and missed me and to top it off - she was only 102 miles from me with her family at Disney (we live 1220 miles away)!  I knew right then to load up the girls and head up to see her!  It was such a God moment and one that I am forever grateful for!  Our time was sweet and not even rushed - Disney and all!  It was a time of redemption, of hearing her story and of seeing God's work in her life!  I am forever blessed by that day and I am thankful that God woke me up that night!

I want to share her blog with you so that you can get a glimpse of the magnificent power of CHRIST and His majestic healing!  For it was not by her strength, but by His strength that she has been RECLAIMED!

RECLAIMED - click here!

Love you, Nan!!!

Be blessed,
Becca

A Solution to our Spelling Struggles

I have been searching online for quite a few weeks on solutions for our spelling challenges.  Both of my older girls struggle with spelling and the spelling nazi inside of me is really trying to be sympathetic and realize, as my friend Shelly once said, "Lack of spelling skills does not mean a lack of intelligence." I need those friends in my life :)

I received an email from Time4Learning (our current curriculum choice for Molly) last week about a new website www.spellingcity.com and also a free app they offer for the iPhone, iPod and iPad.  I was so excited and immediately downloaded the app for the girls to use.  Molly instantly fell in love with it and continues to show me all the bells and whistles of the app.  I love when my girls get excited about learning!  I am very interested and anxious to start using the website for our spelling and vocabulary needs.  I honestly believe this may be the perfect solution for all three of my girls in the world of Spelling!

Just a few of the GREAT features of this website!

• Over 42,000 spelling words with customizable sentences and definitions
• A REAL person who says each word and sentence
• Free home pages for teachers and parents to save lists
• Teacher training videos
• Free printable handwriting worksheets
• Free teaching resources with lists and lesson plans
• Twenty-five games to play online or to print such as:
  Alphabetical Order, Unscramble, Parts of Speech, HangMouse, Crossword Puzzle, WordSearch, and Vocabulary Test.
• A free forum and newsletters

I am really looking forward to this being a part of our school day and I highly approve of the girls using this app on the iPad and iPod!  It offers a lot of fun games while learning - what more could you ask for in an app?

Blessings,

Becca

Disclosure:

I've been given a Premium Membership to VocabularySpellingCity.com for a candid, personal, online review.

VocabularySpellingCity helps students study word lists using 25 different learning activities such as Unscramble, Hangman, WordFind, and Crossword Puzzle. Parents can create their own spelling lists, find published lists already available on the site, or use any of dozens of free teaching resources on topics such as Multiple Meaning Words and Possessive Nouns . Be sure to come back in three weeks to read about my experience.

There might be more free memberships available for bloggers. If you're interested, find out how you can review VocabularySpellingCity.com.

 

The Danger of Husband Bashing

As I sat at the funeral of my best friend's husband, I was taken back to a time when I was guilty of "husband bashing."  Let me tell you, I was good at it and could have won an Emmy on my daily rundown of all the wrong things Craig had done that day.  I had a friend at that time, that I would now consider pretty toxic and we fed off each other - A LOT.  Looking back, its almost like we tried to play the "one up" game in seeing who's husband was actually the biggest loser.  It was damaging to say the least and I lost all respect for my husband when I should have been losing respect for myself!

Fast forward a couple of years and I sat in a Women's Bible Study with a woman named Gaye.  She made it very clear to me that I was to respect my husband and his role that GOD had given him.  I think she could see through my own insecurities and knowing that Craig wasn't this total incapable man that I was making him out to be.  She steered me in the right direction and I began to really understand not just what it meant to be submissive but to really uphold and adore my husband.  I then began to surround myself with other wives that adored their husbands.  I think back to my new relationship that had formed with my friend, Page.  Here is a woman that has stood by her husband through thick and thin.  That whole thing in the vows of "richer or poorer" and "sickness and in health" - she has lived through it all.  In all the years I've known her, she has never bashed her husband.  She holds him in high regard and considers all they have been through as a blessing.

I then began to see on Facebook other friends that absolutely loved their husbands and wrote encouraging and edifying things about them for all the world to see.  It touched my heart!  I even wrote to an old friend that I really appreciate seeing her posts and how much she adored her husband - it really did make me feel good.  And, I know she wasn't writing such things for reward - she really does love her husband.

God began to put people in my life that re-iterated what Gaye taught me many years ago.  Its funny how He has a way of moving us in the right direction.

Now back to my friend's funeral.... can you imagine being married to a man for many years and then suddenly, he's gone?  You wait for him every day to walk in after work but in reality, he's not coming home.  You wait for him to be in the kitchen when you go for your first cup of coffee, but instead, you walk into an empty room.  You wait for someone to lean over at bedtime and kiss you goodnight, only to reach over and the pillow is cold and no one is there.  I'm sure my friend would give anything to have her husband here.  A wise friend once told a group of us in bible study, "Please, don't complain to me about your mom, I wish I still had mine here on earth."  That hit me like a ton of bricks.  And, I'm sure the same goes for women who have lost husbands.

I continue to pray for my old friend that I spent countless hours with "husband-bashing."  The last time we saw one another, it was quite uncomfortable because she was actually saying things in front of him.  Can you imagine what that does to a man's soul!?!?!?  I got in the car that night and confessed to Craig all the times I sat around and drug his name in the mud.  I felt like a complete moron but he was so gracious and said "I probably deserved it."  No, he didn't deserve it!  I was given my husband by God!  To talk ugly about him, to complain about him is complete disrespect to my Heavenly Father.  And, not to mention - who do I think I am??!?!?!?  PERFECT!?!?!?!  Not even close!

I started trying to think of where I came up with this practice of men bashing.  It wasn't my mother.  Though my parents divorced when I was 6, she never spoke ill of my father.  She never did any type of male bashing so I was clueless....until, I started noticing it on TV.  Its all by the grace of God that I began to see it.  The craziest place I saw it was on Kid's Shows!!!  I quickly became appalled at the shows that make the "Dad" or "Husband" seem stupid and inadequate.  I've since cut those shows from my kids' viewing.  But, this isn't a post about TV and its negative affects on my kiddos.

How do you combat male/husband bashing?  First, go to God's word!

Ephesians 4:29

²⁹ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 7

Judging Others

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. ³ Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

⁶ “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Proverbs 31
  
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
 ²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:


Second - GET NEW FRIENDS!  This was done for me but looking back, I am thankful.  God knew that I needed out of that relationship.  Not because this friend was doing anything worse than me - I was probably the most toxic of the friendship.  But, we fed off each other and it wasn't good.  I pray for her and for me, that we will adore our husbands and love them like we are called to love them!


Third - PRAY FOR HIM!

Praying for your husband really does work!  We did a bible study one time called "The Power of a Praying Wife" and let me tell you - its hard to be angry at someone that you are praying for every day!  That's the best tool I have for my husband - prayer!  I can't change him but God can and I need to trust that God is working in his life and in  mine too!

Start today and think of ways you can show adoration to your husband.  He is still going to leave his dirty socks on the floor, forget to put the cap on the toothpaste, forget to put the garbage out and forget your birthday.  But, be reminded that God gave him as a blessing, a protector, a provider and a lover.  If anything, thank God for him each and every day.  And think about the widow that longs to have her husband in her arms.  Surround yourself with godly women who speak words of edification, adoration and love of their husbands.  And remember, your children are watching you and how you treat their Daddy!

Blessings,
Becca